Friday, May 8, 2015

Fantasy, Sci Fi, and Drama: Let's Nominate a GOP Candidate!

I'm excited! The 2016 presidential field is starting to emerge and the race to satisfy party bases has begun, especially among the Republicans. It makes for remarkable theater. In 2012, the GOP nominating process came down to Romney vs...anyone. Bachman, Santorum, Cain, Gingrich. They all seemed to have realistic chances. Now, we already officially have Cruz, Rubio, Paul, Huckabee, Carson, Fiorina, and there's still a year and a half and one Bush brother remaining. There will certainly be whack-a-mole feel to the whole process like in 2012. In addition, I’m eagerly awaiting the following subplots:

  • No GOP in Evidence.” When you’re trying to be the GOP presidential nominee, it’s really important to claim that any sort evidence, whether it relates to evolution, climate change, or the economy, is generated by some sort of vast conspiracy. I hope to watch more of those debate moments where someone asks the candidates to raise their hands if they believe in science. You’ll visibly see candidates struggle with, “Am I the one who's going to be shown in history books as the guy who believed in Snuffaluffagus?” before shooting their arms up.

  • Science Fiction.” As a candidate in either party, it is helpful to make some extravagant claims about what you’ll be able to accomplish as president, whether it’s creating a bazillion jobs, instilling peace in the Middle East, or establishing colonies on Pluto. I quite honestly like this. A president should have some vision about the how good the future can be, even if it’s a little unrealistic. Every now and then, though, candidates release their inner crazy in a way that feels particularly whacko, like pontificating about Darth Vader implementing Obamacare. What would happen if God suddenly granted Mike Huckabee's wish to be able to rain down the fires of heaven during one of those awkward 12-person GOP debates? I can only imagine Mitt Romney staring at a dozen ash piles on his TV screen and lamenting, “I can’t believe I didn’t run!”

President Hulk smash radical Islamists!
Senator Hulk think America no meddle in overseas disputes!

However it pans out, the GOP nomination race will certainly be way more interesting and satisfying than the Democratic coronation of Hillary. Release the hounds! I’m waiting!