I’ve got a song stuck in my head, one that’s unlikely to hit the Top 40 anytime soon: “Not Bad for Having Three Kids,” as sung by the Ta-Tas on Bob’s Burgers. I started watching the show a few weeks ago partly because it seemed to be popular on Hulu, and partly because the lead voice also did Coach McGuirk on Home Movies (*hilarious* show during its first season). One stanza to “Not Bad for Having Three Kids” goes,
This is down here, but it should be up there.
This is kind of loose, and I think it might tear.
This is lumpy (and it’s dumpy).
This is saggy (and it’s flabby).
When I bend down I pee a little bit,
But it’s not bad, not bad for having three kids.
|"I still got my sexy parts. Well, I got two out of five..."|
Catchy, eh? The point of this entry is that I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out why a ditty like that sticks in my head today when it would make me cringe when I was younger. Sort of like vegetables: I couldn’t stand the stuff as a kid, and I can’t get enough now. Why?
I think there are two reasons. The first is that I simply appreciate anything musical much more now that I’m older. My failed efforts in recent years to learn to play the piano have reminded me how much time and effort it takes to learn skills like that in the first place, and I appreciate that people have sacrificed their time to help keep my life interesting. The more important reason, though, is the way it gives light to a sensitive topic in the most absurd way possible. You know what I really don’t like about being an adult? How everything seems to be off limits to talk about. Hygiene. Sex. Health. Looks. I told some co-workers that it was ludicrous how large my pregnant wife was getting. They nearly fainted. The net effect, I think, is that nearly everyone thinks they are freaks in some way, that we feel alone with everyday ‘struggles’ that are actually incredibly common.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advocating that we start an Adam Sandler revolution or anything like that. I do think that we need to be less squeamish about talking about our quirks, though. A lot of people get worked up over nothing. A guy I knew hated his wife because she cut back with the bedroom stuff after they got married. I wonder if he would have had the same feelings if he knew that happened more often than not. I’d bet money that you do something you consider weird when you poop. I’d also bet you read or watch something regularly you wouldn't dream of telling your best friend. I’m here to let you know you’re not alone.
There’s a more important topic here – what it means to be an adult – that I’ll save for another day. Instead, I’ll simply close by thanking the folks at 20th Century Fox for broadcasting how accidental squirting is a common consequence of having kids.