- “No GOP in Evidence.” When you’re trying to be the GOP presidential nominee, it’s really important to claim that any sort evidence, whether it relates to evolution, climate change, or the economy, is generated by some sort of vast conspiracy. I hope to watch more of those debate moments where someone asks the candidates to raise their hands if they believe in science. You’ll visibly see candidates struggle with, “Am I the one who's going to be shown in history books as the guy who believed in Snuffaluffagus?” before shooting their arms up.
- “Science Fiction.” As a candidate in either party, it is helpful to make some extravagant claims about what you’ll be able to accomplish as president, whether it’s creating a bazillion jobs, instilling peace in the Middle East, or establishing colonies on Pluto. I quite honestly like this. A president should have some vision about the how good the future can be, even if it’s a little unrealistic. Every now and then, though, candidates release their inner crazy in a way that feels particularly whacko, like pontificating about Darth Vader implementing Obamacare. What would happen if God suddenly granted Mike Huckabee's wish to be able to rain down the fires of heaven during one of those awkward 12-person GOP debates? I can only imagine Mitt Romney staring at a dozen ash piles on his TV screen and lamenting, “I can’t believe I didn’t run!”
- "I hate the job I want." I understand and tend to agree with the whole "the federal government should have less power" school of thought. But to be the one of the guys who is most effective at making a mess of it all and then talking about Washington dysfunction AND trying to become the lunatic running it all? That takes guts! Rand Paul is even hedging his bets by simultaneously running for re-election in the Senate. In some awesome alternate universe, President Paul has to negotiate arms deals with Russia while Senator Paul decries Presidential overreach, sort of like when Good Hulk fought Evil Hulk.
|President Hulk smash radical Islamists!|
Senator Hulk think America no meddle in overseas disputes!